My oh-not-so-fabulous birthday!

Yeah, it's my 19th birthday. And so what?! I don't feel like it's my birthday. I don't know. D ko lam kung matutuwa ba ako.Siguro nga dapat matuwa kc araw ng kapanganakan ko. Dapat icelebrate ko na andito pa rin ako sa mundo at nareached ko ang ika-labingsiyam na kaarawn ko. Salamat sa mga bumati. I appreciate it. Most especially sa ibang mga classmates ko, pero sa mga hindi nakaalala ewan ko nalang. Akala ko pa namn babatiin nla ako kahit sa txt lang pero maski paradam galing sknila wla ako naramdam. Akala ko pa naman khit hindi na ko nakakasama skanila, maaalala nla ung bday ko pro mali pla ako. Cguro nga hindi na ako ganun kaimportante sknla. My kanya-kanya na kc cgro kme buhay at marahil, hindi na ako bahagi ng kasalukuyan nlng buhay. Marahil, isa nalang ako sa mga dati nilang nakasama. Hindi naman din ako kawalan sakanila. I should learn how to let go.

Birthday ko, and i admit i am not that happy. Maraming kulang, i don't consider this as a special day. Hindi ko maramdaman. Something is wrong, something is missing. Fullfillment? Companion? Happiness? Insecurities? I don't know. Siguro nga my kanya-kanya na kame buhay. Hay, nakakalungkot. Gusto ko umiyak pero lang tumutulong luha sa mata. Gusto ko ipagsigawan sa mundo pero wlang lumalabas na boses.

Eto na nga siguro ang pinakamalungkot kong birthday :( sa maraming kadahilanan. I don't want to elaborate the rest but what stated above are just some of the reasons. I feel like i'm left alone. Parang wala na akong kakampi.It seems that it's only me againts the world. But i still thank those people who stick with until now. I know there are only few but your existence in my life is very much appreciated. We may not vocal with each other, but i consider it as a special bond.

Life is really unfair. Things and people really do change. I thought i was strong enough. But there still comes a time that my tears starts to drift into my face. There are still moments when realization strikes me and i can't do anything about it. I just pretend that nothing happens. Like the saying goes: "Smiling has always been easier than explaining why i'm sad." And it's true. It's been hard for me to speak out my griefs, my insecurities, my problems, my loneliness for people might not understand me. As you really grow older, life becomes more difficult to deal with, more hard to explain and be addressed.

I feel lost. I still don't know where to find myself again.

* Tnx for the birthday cake that you bought for my birthday. Much appreciated and sorry for everything i done that hurt you for most of the time. (You know who you are)